hello, i'm leslie bachman

i walked in to class today to find out that i had already arrived. my co-teacher said, "leslie bachman's already here." one girl really likes to pretend my name is hers and i knew just where to find her.

i met up with suzy in the bathroom as she was getting her sunscreen on.

"hello, i'm suzy suzington!" i said (except that i used her actual name).

"oh, hi. i'm leslie bachman." she said with a giggle.

"well, i guess i can go home now. see you later!" to which she got a horrified look on her face and begged me not to go home.

yeah, they are pretty big flip-flops to fill.

girls have a 'gyna

in the middle of eating lunch suzy exclaims to me, "i don't have a pee-pee. i'm a girl, i have a 'gyna...wanna see? girls have a 'gyna. i have a 'gyna today."


the lord's prayer

"i have a book called, 'the lord of the prayer.'" suzy tells me.

"oh, can i see it?" she shows me and i read the title, "the story of the lord's prayer. hmm...who is 'the lord'?" i ask.

"he's god." she answers.

"who's god?" i push, wondering what the next answer will be.

"oh, he's my mom's brother."


hot pants

i was helping suzy button her pants when she said,

"sometimes you have to stick your tummy in. these pants might be gettin' too small. i might need to get some new styles!"


"what did you have for lunch today?" a teacher asks suzy who arrived late to school.

"hot chicken...and juice."

then she comes to me and i ask what kind of hot chicken she had. she said, "actually i had fish heads and elephant toenails...and worms."

i don't know WHERE she gets that from...probably one of her crazy teachers.


a new last name...again?

suzy and i are playing when she says "i'm leslie blockman!"

"it's leslie BACHMAN!" i tell her, "like a chicken says, 'bock-bock'"

"leslie bock-bock. i'm leslie block-in-min!" after i stop giggling and nodding my head in disaproval she says, "knock-knock."

"who's there?" i ask tentitively.

"leslie bachman!" she says.

"leslie bachman who?" I ask, wondering what the punchline could possibly be.

she hesitates for a moment with a concerned look on her face. "actually," she says, "i'm leslie tree!"

hmm...maybe that could be my stage name.