what would you bring baby jesus?

we were talking to the children about what the three wise men brought to baby jesus when he was born and then we asked the children what they might bring if they were going to give a gift to jesus. here are an assortment of answers from my four and five-year-olds.

"a big hug."

"i'm gonna bring lucy, my puppy. she will slobber."

"hola kitty boots."

"gold racecars and stuff. and playdoh." to which another child responds, "jesus might eat playdoh."

"i'm gonna bring gold and frankinsence. if i can find a real 'x' and a stick i could give it to baby jesus but he might eat that stick."

"i would give him a light-saver, it's a sword. do you think he would want that billy?" to which billy responds, "it might be too big for him."

"a bag of stickers. how 'bout that?"

"a fish. one that looks like nemo."

"i don't know...i JUST. DON'T. KNOW!"

billy, mary, whatever

one little boy really likes to wear the new dresses we have in the home center and he really likes to be mary and hold the baby jesus.

i ask who he is (because i just can't resist his scratchy little three-year-old voice)

"i'm mary. i'm gonna have a baby today." he says in a sparkly dress and angel wings.

jesus was born where?

we've been talking a lot about christmas in our class (since we are a christian preschool) and i've gotten some pretty interesting reponses to my questions.

me: "who was jesus' dad?"
child: "joe-fish!"

me: "where was jesus born?"
child: "in a sta...stadium!"

me: "what was the angel's name who told mary she was going to have a baby?"
child: "gab-ah-reel!"

and we also have changed our home center from a kitchen to a stable with a manger and hay and a baby jesus. there's lots of clothes for the kids to dress like mary and joseph and angels. one little girl puts on an angel outfit every day and i ask, "who are you?"

"i'm the angel gabriel!" she replies.

"do you have a message for mary?" i ask. then she runs over to whomever is dressed as mary and shouts,

"mary, mary, you're gonna have a baby and his name's gonna be JESUS!" and she giggles and smiles the biggest smile.

tell and show

during show and tell today, someone was telling about their ariel doll (you know ariel from the little mermaid?) little suzy raises her hand and "asks" a question:

"i really like your ariel doll. i like her hair. and i like her ::boobies::" she whispers toward the end.

i tried not to laugh because i sensed she was trying to evoke that response.

::boobies::

pumpkin head

we were talking with the kids today about our trip to the pumpkin patch coming up next friday. while we were sitting at "circle time" they were all abuzz with comments and questions. as we moved on to snack and were sitting at the table, i asked my friends sitting with me what kind of pumpkin they thought they would choose.

one said he wanted a little tiny one, another said she wanted one as big as her dad and billy said,

"i want one the exact shape of my head!" he said as he motioned his hands around his head like measurements.

o-kay!

everyone has a different version of beautiful...

billy was gathering his things to leave class today and his dad told him they needed to go pick someone up at the airport. billy looks up at me and says,

"it's beautiful. the airport is."

and as i'm asking to make sure he said the airport was beautiful he looks at the clock behind me and says,

"oh no! we gotta go, we're gonna be late!"

(i assure you he cannot tell time yet. he is a VERY young three.)

"okay," i say as he rushes away. "bye!"

"see you in a couple days!" he says over his shoulder. "alright?"

yeah, it's alright with me.

i'm goin' to disneyland!

i walked two three year old boys to the bathroom the other day and one chose the toilet, the other chose the urinal. i walked back to the classroom, then came back a minute later to check on them. i hear the flush of the urinal and then,

"oh, cooool! it's like splash mountain!"

i thought i heard him wrong. i peeked in and he looked at me and said,

"it's like splash mountain at disneyland!"

funny, i remember it a little diferently.

Who's the boss?

Since the start of school this week I've been called Many different names. "Mr. Bachman" "Mrs. Bock-a -Min" "Ms. BlockMin" and My personal favorite, "Mrs. bossman" oh yes, he who is young is wise.

tea time

while visiting with a young student-to-be, we sat down for a lovely tea party. I asked her,

"what kind of tea is this?" to which she replied,

"beer." to which her mother replied,

"did she just say BEER?!" and turned all shades of red. i assured her she needn't worry, as the "beer tea" in question was very good.

mr. bachman

so i have a new job now...i don't work with 2 and 3 year olds anymore. now i work with 3 and 4 year olds at a different school. long story. i'll tell you about it sometime. point is, i'm doing what we call "home visits" for all the children coming into my class in september.

i go to the child's home and we play or have snack, whatever for about an hour. so far it's been fun and pretty mellow. the other day, i met a very vibrant young lady who liked to say my name over and over...sort of.

"mister bachman, mister bachman, missus bachman...come here mister bachman." she kept saying as she ran from one room to the other.

"here i am! i'm mrs. bachman!" i would try to correct subtly.

"oh, hi mister bachman!" she said with her big blue eyes staring up at me.

just like the skunk from bambi would say, "she can call me mister bachman if she wants to."

she works hard for the money...

this is actually from a couple of weeks ago...all the waterpark pictures i took today have the kid's faces in them...and they're all in their bathing suits but i so badly wanted to post the one of them i took when they all hid behind this wall and 'boo'ed me. they were SO stinkin' cute.

yes, this is my job.

love the lyrics

billy's in the bathroom getting dressed...

"les-ee bachmaaaan, leeeeh-seee baaaach-a-maaan! leeeeeh-seeeeee baaaach-aaaaah-maaaaan!"

except about twenty more times and louder than you might be thinking.

"look i made a footprint"

hello, i'm leslie bachman

i walked in to class today to find out that i had already arrived. my co-teacher said, "leslie bachman's already here." one girl really likes to pretend my name is hers and i knew just where to find her.

i met up with suzy in the bathroom as she was getting her sunscreen on.

"hello, i'm suzy suzington!" i said (except that i used her actual name).

"oh, hi. i'm leslie bachman." she said with a giggle.

"well, i guess i can go home now. see you later!" to which she got a horrified look on her face and begged me not to go home.

yeah, they are pretty big flip-flops to fill.

girls have a 'gyna

in the middle of eating lunch suzy exclaims to me, "i don't have a pee-pee. i'm a girl, i have a 'gyna...wanna see? girls have a 'gyna. i have a 'gyna today."

the lord's prayer

"i have a book called, 'the lord of the prayer.'" suzy tells me.

"oh, can i see it?" she shows me and i read the title, "the story of the lord's prayer. hmm...who is 'the lord'?" i ask.

"he's god." she answers.

"who's god?" i push, wondering what the next answer will be.

"oh, he's my mom's brother."

hot pants

i was helping suzy button her pants when she said,

"sometimes you have to stick your tummy in. these pants might be gettin' too small. i might need to get some new styles!"

lunch

"what did you have for lunch today?" a teacher asks suzy who arrived late to school.

"hot chicken...and juice."

then she comes to me and i ask what kind of hot chicken she had. she said, "actually i had fish heads and elephant toenails...and worms."

i don't know WHERE she gets that from...probably one of her crazy teachers.

a new last name...again?

suzy and i are playing when she says "i'm leslie blockman!"

"it's leslie BACHMAN!" i tell her, "like a chicken says, 'bock-bock'"

"leslie bock-bock. i'm leslie block-in-min!" after i stop giggling and nodding my head in disaproval she says, "knock-knock."

"who's there?" i ask tentitively.

"leslie bachman!" she says.

"leslie bachman who?" I ask, wondering what the punchline could possibly be.

she hesitates for a moment with a concerned look on her face. "actually," she says, "i'm leslie tree!"

hmm...maybe that could be my stage name.

actual quote, just taken out of context

"when i was two i was sleepin' around a lot and i needed help."

strike to the ego

"you have a penis!" suzy exclaims to one of the boys as he goes potty.

"i have one too!" another boy shouts as he leans his pelvis closer so she can get a good look.

"yeah, but his is smaller." she states about the first boy.

talk about making a guy feel inferior.

talk about it

suzy sings, "talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, do-do-do-do, talk about it...won't you take me to funkytown!"

i ask her where funkytown is.

"i don't know. it's just what my dad sings!"

and i'll never forget the first week of school when she was sitting at the table drawing when she burst out with, "hello, my name is johnny cash."

i like it, i love it

"i'm gonna miss you so much on my stay home days. are you gonna miss me?" suzy asks.

"of course!" i say.

"i like you so much and i'm gonna miss you so much!" she says as she does that thing where you tilt your head, lift your shoulder a bit and give a grin with raised eyebrows.

get. in. my. pocket. now. i'm taking you home.

meat is murder

"does that have meat in it?" suzy asks of my bowl of soup.

i check the ingredients and let her know it contains seafood.

"oh. i decided not to eat animals." she replies.

wow, that feels good.

hey!

"weh-see, i got hey-cut!" billy says as soon as i walk in the door. "i got hey-cut, i got hey-cut!"

it's nearly buzzed off in that just-right-to-the-touch length and another teacher asks, "can i touch your haircut?"

"NOOOOHHHH!" he replies. "weh-see i got hey-cut, i got hey-cut."

guess he just wanted to make sure i knew.

maybe you're cra-zaay

while in the midst of dancing during our group time this morning, suzy spots a teacher outside our front door dancing along to our music through the window.

"she's crazy, isn't she?" suzy asks me.

"yep," i say "i love it!"

"yeah, she's crazy. she's very very very rockstar!"

very.

you b**ch!

"more pizza," billy exclaims.

"you betcha!" says the substitute teacher.

[GASP] "that's not appropriate!" yells suzy.

"you betcha?" asks the dumbfounded sub.

"that's not a good word." she repremands.

"oh, sorry." the teacher says shrinking back in her already tiny children's chair.

da chain?

"dat's cool." billy says

"it's off the chain." i add.

"dat's cooool!" billy repeats.

"that's cool, that's off the chain." i say.

"chain?"

"yeah! off the chain!"

"WHAAA? da chain? wha chain?" he says as he looks at me quite puzzled.

"off. the. chain. it means it's cool. it's off the chain."

"oh, off da chain!?"

"yeah! off the chain!!!"

"noooo. no off a chain!" he shouts angrily.

i'd be angry too if someone kept pestering me about street lingo.

mmm...barbeque

suzy came over and asked me if i could fix her barbeque pins.

"your what?" i asked.

"my barbeque pins, here in my hair." she points to the bobby pin clutching three hairs for dear life, about to fall out.

"oh sure, i'll fix your barbeque pins for you."

brain gobblers

"STOP IT! STOP IT!" suzy screams between sobs.

"who are you talking to? what do you want them to stop doing?" i ask, concerned because she seems so upset, maybe even hurt.

"suzette." she says as she tries to catch her breath. "she gobbled up my brain!"

now here's where me typing this story doesn't do it justice, because she said it with such conviction, and with so many tears in her eyes, gasping for breath that i just couldn't. not. laugh.

i tried to keep it in. i didn't want suzy to think i didn't care, but it was just such a funny thing to say when i was expecting something so much worse. after i let my laughter slip, i immediately became aware of the fact that i might hurt suzy's feelings until i heard her start to giggle too. that was close. she could've been discussing that with her therapist years from now:

"...and then i remember when my preschool teacher laughed at me when i was really upset about something. i've never been the same..."

shrek vs. sir mix-a-lot

suzy walks past me and very plainly states, "i like big butts an-a-can-a-lie. [pause] i have that song at my house. it's the big butts an-a-can-a-lie song."

"what? what did you say?" suzette asks.

"big butts AN-A-CAN-A-LIE song." suzy says.

"what? say it louder!" suzette says with urgency as if she really doesn't understand what suzy's saying.

"IT'S-A-BIG-BUTTS-AN-A-CAN-LIE SONG AT MY HOUSE AND I DANCE TO IT!"

"oh." suzette responds.

now i can only assume she heard that song on the movie shrek, but you just never know if her parents have the sir mix-a-lot album. i don't know which is worse.

reduce, reuse...

suzy and i were playing legos together. one lego had an eyeball on either side, and another one had a smile on one side and a frown on the other. when i stuck them together i proudly exclaimed, "look, it's a cyclops! happy cyclops, sad cyclops," i said as i flipped it back and forth.

"do you know what a cyclops is?" i asked. when suzy said no, i explained to her. then i showed her the cyclops face again.

"happy..." she pauses as she tries to figure out what it's called. "happy RECYCLING!"

close enough.

ambiguous alosaurus

billy explains to me what he looks like. "i'm a dinosaur and i'm big. i have big legs and my chest and little arms and no penis."

"oh. are you a girl dinosaur?" i ask.

"...[strange look]...NO!"

kitchen remodel

you missed a spot in the middle honey, originally uploaded by lesismore.

day one. march 30th.

your mom is crazy

"my mom was saying, 'suzy, where are you?' and she was trickin' me! Isn't that funny?" suzy exclaims to suzette.

"your mom is crazy." suzette says.

"yeah, her name is sue."

really?

four boys from the fours and fives class were playing some sort of pushing game on the yard. i walked over to them and spoke to them briefly about stopping that game, letting the boy who was being pushed that if he needs help, he can come and talk to me and i would help him.

five minutes later i felt a little hand enter mine and start pulling. he started talking with such desperation i could hardly understand him. it was the little boy that was being pushed, and he was still being bothered by the other boys, so I called them over.

as i tried to understand what the little boy was saying, the "pusher" in question looks at me with the straightest face and says,

"are we still talking about that pushing?"

it was everything i could do not to laugh. it was like he was sincerely annoyed that we were talking about a subject he felt we already resolved. Like, didn't we already discuss this already?!

after we resolved that the little boy didn't want to be destroyed by the "robots" he walked away leaving the annoyed boy still standing in front of me.

He looked at me, shrugged and gave me a wink, as if to say, "it's cool, toots, you're just doing your job."

crap!

while working with the clay, billy holds up a small crumbled ball of clay. In a small voice he says,

"it's little tiny crap!"

as i pushed my bulged eyes back in my head, i thought for a moment then asked,

"a tiny CRAB?"

"Yeps." he replied as i let out a sigh of relief.

sidenote: we do have a family who interacts with each other by calling one another "ass face" so you just never know.

oh, thanks!

i was helping billy with his shoes.

"open the velcro and pull out the tongue." I directed.

"this shoe has tongue? that's silly." billy replied as he giggled.

after a few minitues of distraction, he came back to his challenge.

"this have tongue and i have tounge," he shows me his tongue.

"i do too!" i state enthusiastically and stick my tounge out.

"yer have BIG one!" he exclaims with wide eyes.

"oh, thanks." I reply.

who do you love?

as we were all gathering by the door to go outside, out of nowhere suzy said to suzzette, "i love you!" to which suzzette promptly replied, "i love you, and i love you billy" from there it was a domino effect. even the little boy who barely speaks english said "love you!" one of those moments that you're like, "ohmygoshmykidsaresocute!"

then when we got outside a boy from my class last year came up to me. "hi." he said with a smile. i said, "billy, guess what? i love you very much!" he paused and whispered something. i leaned down and asked him to repeat himself. he said, "i love you and i like you."

i'm just going to put them in my pocket and take them home. yep, that's what i'll do.

p.s. speaking of love, i posted new pictures from our honeymoon on my flickr account. go see them!