actual quote, just taken out of context

"when i was two i was sleepin' around a lot and i needed help."

strike to the ego

"you have a penis!" suzy exclaims to one of the boys as he goes potty.

"i have one too!" another boy shouts as he leans his pelvis closer so she can get a good look.

"yeah, but his is smaller." she states about the first boy.

talk about making a guy feel inferior.

talk about it

suzy sings, "talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, do-do-do-do, talk about it...won't you take me to funkytown!"

i ask her where funkytown is.

"i don't know. it's just what my dad sings!"

and i'll never forget the first week of school when she was sitting at the table drawing when she burst out with, "hello, my name is johnny cash."

i like it, i love it

"i'm gonna miss you so much on my stay home days. are you gonna miss me?" suzy asks.

"of course!" i say.

"i like you so much and i'm gonna miss you so much!" she says as she does that thing where you tilt your head, lift your shoulder a bit and give a grin with raised eyebrows.

get. in. my. pocket. now. i'm taking you home.

meat is murder

"does that have meat in it?" suzy asks of my bowl of soup.

i check the ingredients and let her know it contains seafood.

"oh. i decided not to eat animals." she replies.

wow, that feels good.

hey!

"weh-see, i got hey-cut!" billy says as soon as i walk in the door. "i got hey-cut, i got hey-cut!"

it's nearly buzzed off in that just-right-to-the-touch length and another teacher asks, "can i touch your haircut?"

"NOOOOHHHH!" he replies. "weh-see i got hey-cut, i got hey-cut."

guess he just wanted to make sure i knew.

maybe you're cra-zaay

while in the midst of dancing during our group time this morning, suzy spots a teacher outside our front door dancing along to our music through the window.

"she's crazy, isn't she?" suzy asks me.

"yep," i say "i love it!"

"yeah, she's crazy. she's very very very rockstar!"

very.

you b**ch!

"more pizza," billy exclaims.

"you betcha!" says the substitute teacher.

[GASP] "that's not appropriate!" yells suzy.

"you betcha?" asks the dumbfounded sub.

"that's not a good word." she repremands.

"oh, sorry." the teacher says shrinking back in her already tiny children's chair.

da chain?

"dat's cool." billy says

"it's off the chain." i add.

"dat's cooool!" billy repeats.

"that's cool, that's off the chain." i say.

"chain?"

"yeah! off the chain!"

"WHAAA? da chain? wha chain?" he says as he looks at me quite puzzled.

"off. the. chain. it means it's cool. it's off the chain."

"oh, off da chain!?"

"yeah! off the chain!!!"

"noooo. no off a chain!" he shouts angrily.

i'd be angry too if someone kept pestering me about street lingo.

mmm...barbeque

suzy came over and asked me if i could fix her barbeque pins.

"your what?" i asked.

"my barbeque pins, here in my hair." she points to the bobby pin clutching three hairs for dear life, about to fall out.

"oh sure, i'll fix your barbeque pins for you."

brain gobblers

"STOP IT! STOP IT!" suzy screams between sobs.

"who are you talking to? what do you want them to stop doing?" i ask, concerned because she seems so upset, maybe even hurt.

"suzette." she says as she tries to catch her breath. "she gobbled up my brain!"

now here's where me typing this story doesn't do it justice, because she said it with such conviction, and with so many tears in her eyes, gasping for breath that i just couldn't. not. laugh.

i tried to keep it in. i didn't want suzy to think i didn't care, but it was just such a funny thing to say when i was expecting something so much worse. after i let my laughter slip, i immediately became aware of the fact that i might hurt suzy's feelings until i heard her start to giggle too. that was close. she could've been discussing that with her therapist years from now:

"...and then i remember when my preschool teacher laughed at me when i was really upset about something. i've never been the same..."

shrek vs. sir mix-a-lot

suzy walks past me and very plainly states, "i like big butts an-a-can-a-lie. [pause] i have that song at my house. it's the big butts an-a-can-a-lie song."

"what? what did you say?" suzette asks.

"big butts AN-A-CAN-A-LIE song." suzy says.

"what? say it louder!" suzette says with urgency as if she really doesn't understand what suzy's saying.

"IT'S-A-BIG-BUTTS-AN-A-CAN-LIE SONG AT MY HOUSE AND I DANCE TO IT!"

"oh." suzette responds.

now i can only assume she heard that song on the movie shrek, but you just never know if her parents have the sir mix-a-lot album. i don't know which is worse.

reduce, reuse...

suzy and i were playing legos together. one lego had an eyeball on either side, and another one had a smile on one side and a frown on the other. when i stuck them together i proudly exclaimed, "look, it's a cyclops! happy cyclops, sad cyclops," i said as i flipped it back and forth.

"do you know what a cyclops is?" i asked. when suzy said no, i explained to her. then i showed her the cyclops face again.

"happy..." she pauses as she tries to figure out what it's called. "happy RECYCLING!"

close enough.

ambiguous alosaurus

billy explains to me what he looks like. "i'm a dinosaur and i'm big. i have big legs and my chest and little arms and no penis."

"oh. are you a girl dinosaur?" i ask.

"...[strange look]...NO!"

kitchen remodel

you missed a spot in the middle honey, originally uploaded by lesismore.

day one. march 30th.

your mom is crazy

"my mom was saying, 'suzy, where are you?' and she was trickin' me! Isn't that funny?" suzy exclaims to suzette.

"your mom is crazy." suzette says.

"yeah, her name is sue."

really?

four boys from the fours and fives class were playing some sort of pushing game on the yard. i walked over to them and spoke to them briefly about stopping that game, letting the boy who was being pushed that if he needs help, he can come and talk to me and i would help him.

five minutes later i felt a little hand enter mine and start pulling. he started talking with such desperation i could hardly understand him. it was the little boy that was being pushed, and he was still being bothered by the other boys, so I called them over.

as i tried to understand what the little boy was saying, the "pusher" in question looks at me with the straightest face and says,

"are we still talking about that pushing?"

it was everything i could do not to laugh. it was like he was sincerely annoyed that we were talking about a subject he felt we already resolved. Like, didn't we already discuss this already?!

after we resolved that the little boy didn't want to be destroyed by the "robots" he walked away leaving the annoyed boy still standing in front of me.

He looked at me, shrugged and gave me a wink, as if to say, "it's cool, toots, you're just doing your job."

crap!

while working with the clay, billy holds up a small crumbled ball of clay. In a small voice he says,

"it's little tiny crap!"

as i pushed my bulged eyes back in my head, i thought for a moment then asked,

"a tiny CRAB?"

"Yeps." he replied as i let out a sigh of relief.

sidenote: we do have a family who interacts with each other by calling one another "ass face" so you just never know.

oh, thanks!

i was helping billy with his shoes.

"open the velcro and pull out the tongue." I directed.

"this shoe has tongue? that's silly." billy replied as he giggled.

after a few minitues of distraction, he came back to his challenge.

"this have tongue and i have tounge," he shows me his tongue.

"i do too!" i state enthusiastically and stick my tounge out.

"yer have BIG one!" he exclaims with wide eyes.

"oh, thanks." I reply.

who do you love?

as we were all gathering by the door to go outside, out of nowhere suzy said to suzzette, "i love you!" to which suzzette promptly replied, "i love you, and i love you billy" from there it was a domino effect. even the little boy who barely speaks english said "love you!" one of those moments that you're like, "ohmygoshmykidsaresocute!"

then when we got outside a boy from my class last year came up to me. "hi." he said with a smile. i said, "billy, guess what? i love you very much!" he paused and whispered something. i leaned down and asked him to repeat himself. he said, "i love you and i like you."

i'm just going to put them in my pocket and take them home. yep, that's what i'll do.

p.s. speaking of love, i posted new pictures from our honeymoon on my flickr account. go see them!

i'm a wifey now

i'm married now and busy and i haven't written in a bit.

if you want to see fun things go to

http://www.johnandlesliebachman.com

mahwage is what bwrings us, togebher today...

please forgive my lack of posting, as i am getting married in one week.

all should return to normal in december.

if normal means totally and utterly different.

brush your hair

This has nothing to do with children. This is just a very important question.

How many strokes does it take to successfully brush your hair? That sounds something like, "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a toostie roll tootsie pop", but this is a much more important question. One that some lame owl doesn't cheat to find the answer to.

Marsha Brady thought you had to brush your hair 100 times-on each side. Apparently, so did the woman in front of me on I-5 while we were in stop and go traffic. That's fine, I don't have a problem with that, but as the traffic speeds up to upwards of 45mph, she is still brushing her hair.

Brushing and brushing and brushing. For TEN MINUTES! I'm not exaggerating, I promise. Okay, I know what you're thinking. "Ten minutes doesn't seem like a long time." But I just dare you to brush your hair for ten minutes. One or more of the following may happen:

-You will get REALLY tired
-Large clumps of your hair will fall out
-You'll have so much static cling going on, that you could supply power to a small village
-You'll get into an accident (that is, if you are attempting to do this while operating a large vehicle, such as a CAR!!!)

Well, the lady did not get into an accident, but if you see a yellow Ford Focus with California license plates and support our troops "ribbons" driving around, beware. She was the worst driver EVER! Be aware.

BE. AWARE!

suzy-boo

Remember "lie-dee-die-dee" boy?

He needed help with his coat today. He kept flipping it-you know the flip, right? When you put your coat on the floor, put your arms in the holes and flip it over your head. You know you want to do it, since you haven't in years I'm sure!

But he couldn't flip it right. He cried out to me,

"Wah-seee! Hehp!"

I was washing the tables, so I told him to ask Suzy.

He then started running around the room, with his coat half on, upside down shouting in his little asian accent,

"Suzy-boo, haaaeeehp! Suuuuzy-booooo!"

Maybe you had to be there...or actually hear how funny it is. Say it to yourself if you need to. Go ahead, no one's listening. SEE?! It's so cute!!!

lie-dee-die-dees

I call tickles that you get on your back "liedeediedees". You probably call it "tickles" or "scratchies," that works too.

I love getting liedeediedee on my back...someone could do that for hours (if they know the proper technique.) During rest time, I did some liedeediedees for billy. He fell asleep almost instantly.

A few days later when I was leaving for my lunch, I walked by his cot and grabbed his blanket to cover him up. He stops my hand, pushes the blanket away and looks up at me,

"Lie-die-dee?"

Like I'm going to say no to that!

manicure

manicure
Originally uploaded by lesismore.

mmmm...painty

brown noser
Originally uploaded by lesismore.

here's the pictures.

brown noser

Today as we were painting our faces...hmm, maybe I should start from the beginning. Nah, this way is more fun.

So as four kids were going to town painting all over their faces, necks and hands I was snapping pictures. One boy wasn't painting his face at all. I think he didn't quite understand what was going on so I gave him a little dollop on his nose. He thought this was hillarious!

Another boy took his painty Q-tip and put some brown paint on his nose. I told him to give me an eskimo kiss with his nose. Then he decided I still needed more paint on my nose and used his finger to put more on.

I only realized about a half an hour later when I was getting lunch ready, that there was a perfect little brown handprint on my right breast.

Lesson: watch those little hands getting fresh when you're sneaking an eskimo kiss!

p.s. I did manage to get a nice manicure, though. I had to post the pictures seperately...my computer skills are lacking since I don't spend all day at the computer anymore.

cottage pee pee!

This on is in honor of Jonathan Courter.

At snack:

"More!" Billy shouts.
"More what?" I ask.
"That!" He points at the bowl of food.
"More cottage cheese?" I suggest.
"Cottage pee!" He shouts.
"More cottage cheese, please." I prompt.
"MORE COTTAGE PEE PEE!"

I should've seen that coming.

i have a baby in my tummy

(this actually happened last week)

"I have a baby in my tummy!" Suzy says.
"Me too!" Says Sue.

Suzy then walks over to one of the other teachers, lifts her shirt, "grabs" at her stomach and hands an invisible something to her.

"Here you go. You can you hold my baby, Billy, okay?"

Then Sue proceeds to go to the window sill and lay in it, putting her knees up.

"Are you feeling sleepy, Sue?" I ask.
"Nope. I'm just laying down to get the baby out." She says plainly.

Well, of course!